WOTW: 1. Focus

I have impeccable focus (when I choose to); it is one of my strengths I’m proud to claim. But I haven’t consistently coupled that strength with working towards anything that really matters to me, like striving towards big life goals. In “The Word of the Week” book’s first chapter, it says when focus and desire meet, that is when success and greatness is achieved. I, however, with my pessimistic tendencies, am much more certain to be found focusing on my fears, which I know is in direct conflict with achieving my dreams. On the bottom of the first page of the chapter, the following quote appears: “The key to success is to focus our conscious mind on things we desire and not things we fear. ~Brian Tracy” It’s no wonder why I haven’t achieved great success.

The question in this chapter that stood out to me was “How would your decisions change if you weren’t trying to please anyone but yourself? “ The answer that flashed across my mind immediately was, “My life would be so very different because I’d make totally different decisions in most areas of my life!” That led me to the sad thought that I am currently living a disingenuous life, one that I don’t really want.

As I thought more about that question, I know there are both big and small decisions that I would make differently if I was only focused on pleasing myself. I’ll give you an example of a small insignificant decision I made differently that was solely focused on pleasing the desire of my inner child. Recently, I flew to San Francisco and took the Air Train to the rental car area. I happened to board the first car of the train with my boyfriend and noted that no one else boarded with us, since the other people went to other cars. As I looked out the front window of the train and saw the track and beautiful view, the kid in me decided she wanted to run to the front of the train and run in place as fast as I could when I got to the very front of the car. I was pretending I was running on the track directly, instead of being quickly transported by the train itself. It was an exhilarating feeling pretending I was running really fast seeing the beautiful scenery whiz by. My boyfriend was laughing and asked me, “No one ever gets to see this side of you, do they?” Would I have made the decision to allow my inner child free to run like that if another person boarded the train with us? No, absolutely not! Because I would fear they would think I’m stupid or crazy! There are so many decisions I’ve made to please others instead of myself, but I can’t change those since those are in the past. All I can do is be cognizant in the future of my thought process and whether I’m making a decision based on fear or to please myself.

Another section in this chapter that gave me pause was regarding focusing on self love, where it claims “The absence of love is fear…” That is one of my biggest problems that I’ve been dealing with my entire life. The book tells me to ask myself, “What am I afraid of?” Identifying my fears is the first step I need to take to let them go and eventually, hopefully, love myself again.

I could probably write a whole book focused on all my fears, which I’m obviously not going to do now, but here is one example where I dived into my fear. A couple days ago, I saw a post on a Facebook group that was recommending utilizing one’s strengths. It was saying things like, if you are good with writing then do a blog; if you have a good voice, then do a podcast; if good with a camera, then take pictures and post them on Instagram.  I know I’m good with writing and obviously I do have a blog. I’m not sure if I have a good voice, but I started my podcast less than a week ago. When I read that post, I noticed I immediately hesitated and cringed at the thought of commenting to say that I have a blog and that I recently created a podcast, fully aware this would be a great opportunity for me to share it with others.  So I asked myself why I hesitated. What was the fear behind it? The answer was I have a fear of putting myself out there.  Drilling one level down from that, I fear being judged on the content I publish and going even deeper, that stems from worrying about not being good enough.  The group where I saw this post is a big part of the reason I am blogging on the content I am now. Because I am brand new to my spiritual journey, I can’t help but think, “Who am I to write about this and create my own version of guided meditation when I only learned how to do this less than a month ago?” Most people in the group have been doing this for years and even decades and their opinions carry more weight from my perspective due to their experience and expertise on the subject.  I fear these people will find something that I missed or did wrong and consider me a fraud. 

I then asked myself more questions to counter my fears. What do I have to gain if I share my blog and podcast with the Facebook group?  I can gain new followers or subscribers who might enjoy, be entertained, or learn something from me, which would be a good thing. Another answer was I can build new relationships with other people from around the world and who knows what mutual benefit may arise from that. Yet another answer was that I can build my confidence, something I need to work on, if I end up receiving positive feedback. Maybe I would get ideas on how to further develop my journey if someone has suggestions for me.  All these things would for sure NOT happen if I decided to allow my fears to take over and not take action to comment on the post. I did end up commenting on it generically indicating I have a blog and started a podcast to which no one has yet responded or even liked, but I am still working to gain the courage to overcome my fears to bring myself to post the links to my blog and podcast to at least put it out there.

The last thing in the chapter that made me pause was this statement: “How ‘available’ you are is an important ingredient in your creativity and a signal to the Universe at how serious you are about said endeavor…career…life.” Working on practicing the Law of Attraction and Law of Assumption, I believe focused thoughts and actions towards what I want to manifest tells the Universe/God what I want. And if by doing that consistently, I know that Universe/ God will respond and bring my desires or something even better for the greatest good. I rarely make time to focus on things I’m passionate about and it is no wonder that I haven’t gotten far in my personal endeavors. I have not been available and dedicated in finding myself or my purpose in life. This was yet another factor that prompted me to change that and begin making time to focus on it.

On the few occasions I had actually focused on my writing, it is apparent to me that I sent such a clear bold signal to the Universe that it responded with manifesting related goals. When I first tried writing fiction stories, I came across a contest and of my first 5 stories, I submitted 3. All of them were chosen and published in an electronic book. The next story I dedicated time writing to, was selected to be read at two live virtual events (reading the first half at one and continuing the story at the second subsequent event), which showcased a total of only 4 authors. Then yet another opportunity came to submit my writing to an organization I follow. Of five pieces sent in, the first poem I had written in decades was chosen for publication and performed live at their event earlier this year. At that same event, I also was asked to read a snippet of the story I did at the 2 live virtual events previously. It is clear to me that when I focused on my passion of writing, that I have achieved success and it is something that I need to recognize and celebrate for myself.

Side note: I am still stuck with being focused on my fears about sharing my short stories and poems on this blog and creating podcast episodes for them. That is something I still need to dive into to overcome.

While I only scratched the surface with this one chapter, it is something I will continue to work on. I know I need to shift my focus away from my fears, towards self love and the passions I have to get closer to finding my purpose in life.