Per my What Does Mars Really Have to do with Men? blog post, Black Moon Lilith is the point along the moon’s orbit when it’s farthest from Earth and is otherwise known as the dark moon. It reveals untapped potential and areas where you need to assert your independence. Per Cafe Astrology, where you can go to get your own birth chart, it says Black Moon Lilith represents our darker, deeper natures that may be repressed or buried.
My Lilith is in Taurus and if I were to guess the area of my untapped potential, I would think it is related to creativity. While I know there is a creative side to me, I have the sense that my creativity runs much deeper than I realize and to the point that I do not know or appreciate the full extent of it. I have dabbled in a wide variety of creative areas from photography, ceramics, painting, scrapbooking to even acting, which happened to be the one thing I did not enjoy because I hated having the focused attention on me. I have no doubt that if I invested all my time and effort on creative pursuits, that it could result in unimaginable outcomes. As for the area that I need to assert my independence, I believe that may be in the area of pursuing my purpose in life. While I have been dipping my toes into this area, tentatively taking small steps towards it, I know I have not fully embraced nor outright executed on my desire and goals.
According to my natal/birth chart from Café Astrology this is the description the report provides:
Can have a hard time feeling truly satisfied or sated, but can also fear the state of wanting. Perhaps they were penalized or criticized for being slow, savoring things, or enjoying and indulging themselves. Fear of loss can lead to possessiveness. Understanding and accepting the very human desire to own and have and expressing these things moderately and responsibly can be empowering.
I very much struggle with feeling satisfied and find it frustrating because it affects every area of my life reducing my general appreciation and gratefulness. This in turn reduces my ability to effectively bring about powerful manifestation in my life because it causes doubts and fears of achieving everything that I desire, which is the one thing that I know I should not focus on if I am trying to successfully manifest my desires. I am not sure if as a child I was criticized for being slow or savoring things, but I’ve always had the sense that I should not be self-indulgent; that it was wrong for me to really pamper myself with luxurious things. I don’t know where this ideation stems from and am curious why I have felt that way for as long as I can remember. When it comes to both material and romantic relationships, I agree that a fear of loss has always been quite prevalent in my mind and leading to unreasonable feelings of possessiveness. This is a characteristic I would like to change in myself as I am sure I would have greater peace of mind if I scale back my controlling desires to more moderate levels.
After reading the Cafe Astrology description, I was left wanting more information, so I did some online research and came across another website, advanced-astrology.com, that I felt had a good explanation of Black Moon Lilith in Taurus. I’ve pulled some content from the site that I felt was relevant to me:
Lilith here is under the influence of Venus. This placement makes you sensual, feminine, creative, however, these traits can be repressed into the unconscious. Lilith…struggles with having enough…can be obsessed with hoarding resources. Loss is one her major fears. It is hard to let go with this placement, both people and things. They can be quite possessive of their partner. There can be an unconscious fear of poverty. It can also indicate that you don’t feel worthy of good things. At the same time, you want them deeply. You either live frugally or love to spend, there (is) no (in)-between. You have to learn that you are enough and you are talented enough to support yourself. Self-indulgence can be (a) coping mechanism, and (you) don’t know when to stop. Finding security is one your greatest motivations. Existential fears are common with this placement.
The first part of this description regarding repressed creativity, struggling with having enough and fearing loss to the point of difficulty with letting go of people and things coincides with what my Café Astrology natal report states. In my past relationships I remember feeling so very possessive and what I consider unreasonable jealously, that I can’t help but shake my head at how bad it was. I am glad that I have tempered that side of me, evolving and transforming to someone who is much more trusting and open in my relationships. When I was younger, I will say that I consciously, not unconsciously, repressed both my sensual and feminine sides because I felt the true depth of those parts of me would not be socially accepted. I am now making a concerted effort to step into and embrace the full breadth of that side of me. This also mentions hoarding resources, which is something I had previously mainly attributed to learning from my mother. This recent process of learning myself better is helping me to take accountability of where it stems from my own self. Regardless, I have actively been trying to minimize this negative aspect over the years. Comparing to how I used to be, I know I have made good progress, but it continues to be a long, slow, but steady process, of which I know that I still have a ways to go.
I also agree that I have had many moments in my life where I could either live very frugally, counting and trying to save every penny, or spending excessively, without any in-between. As I’ve mentioned in previous posts, one of my shadow areas I need to work on is believing that I am enough and able to support and find security within and for myself so that I can achieve better balance here. I never felt financially secure that I could do it all on my own, despite being single and technically supporting myself, such as being able to buy my own homes in the past, and even sometimes having to support my past partners.
Lastly, existential fears have become predominant in my thoughts ever since my brother passed away. I can’t help but think, if he was so healthy and could literally drop dead, why wouldn’t I, someone who is not nearly as healthy as he was, suffer that same fate, especially given my family history of nearly everyone in my lineage dying from some sort of heart issue or cancer?
As indicated in my What Does Mars Really Have to do with Men? post, I will also go over another person’s chart, referred to as Kali, who is born on the same month and day as I was, but different year and location to offer a comparison of how two people with the same birth day, can be vastly different despite both being Scorpios. According to Kali’s natal/birth chart from Café Astrology her Lilith is in Gemini and this is the description the report provides:
She can feel uncomfortable if speaking too much or too little, or for her intelligence or social skills. She may be wary of people who seem to be indulgent in these ways — who are social butterflies or who talk too much or who seem to flaunt their intelligence. Her curiosity may have been stifled in some manner. Owning and accepting this side of the nature can be empowering. She can be wicked with what she says when angry! Shame in these areas can lead to extremes of behavior and a feeling of being out of control. Working on self- acceptance is the key to empowerment.
Checking advanced-astrology.com, here is more information I came across:
When Lilith is in Gemini, it suggests that there were some issues with communication and connecting with others. People with this placement are afraid from saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. This fear can (be) crippling and preventing them from interacting with others. Alternatively, it can manifest as babbling all the time.
People with this placement can unintentionally say things that others misinterpret, or they find offensive. You voice your opinion openly, and care little about how your message is perceived. It can manifest as having problems with communication, or alternatively, being so good at it that you can even use it against others at some point.
Many people with this placement express themselves in an aggressive, thoughtless way, often unintentionally. Lilith here has a strong urge to share what’s on her mind, whether is it appropriate to do so or not. You can have a hard time hearing the other person out.
You can feel very lonely and feel that nobody understands you. Sometimes this placement lacks healthy coping mechanisms. You can be detached from your emotions, or try to overly rationalise them.
Lilith here is often afraid of rejection. It hurts you very deeply when others don’t pay attention to you or they are not curious about your thoughts.
GGibberish 