Across the Miles, My Different Lifestyles: Why I left California Edition

Before I go into the edition of Across the Miles, My Different Lifestyles where I lived in New Jersey, I’d like my readers to understand what prompted me to leave California in the first place. Growing up, I LOVED The Bay and swore I would never leave. I even purposely went to college in Santa Cruz, CA because I did not want to be far from “home”. That all changed when I was sent to Appleton, Wisconsin years ago for work and had a life changing conversation in a dingy bar.

It was 2004, one very cold evening, cold for this California girl at least, after work when several colleagues took me to downtown Appleton, which is a small town by any comparison to any city in The Bay Area. Sitting in a very dimly lit bar where the bar stools and bar top show their age well, a colleague orders me a drink and my jaw drops as the bartender pushes over a goldfish bowl sized glass filled with a seemingly fruity mixed drink that is red in color. I say seemingly because after my first sip, I can’t help but recoil at the very substantial amount of liquor in it that burns going down filling my belly with an internal radiating heat. Seeing my reaction, a coworker half jokes that since there is not much to do in Appleton and it’s so cold there, drinking is a popular pastime and they hope I can keep up with all of them.

I begin a conversation by bringing up thoughts about something discussed earlier at work and I am immediately halted. I am sternly told I am not allowed to talk about work when not at work. This time I forcefully prevent my jaw from dropping at that command because it was the first time I’ve ever been stopped when talking about work at an after work function. Who in Silicon Valley didn’t talk about work when having dinner or drinks with colleagues?! Even when meeting with friends or family, conversations seem to always involve work!

I was then asked, so what do you do when your not working? If my cheeks were not already red from the strong drink I was timidly sipping, they probably became so when I came to the realization I had no idea how to answer that question because all I really did WAS work! I had recently taken on a sales role and I was easily working 60+ hours a week and usually too tired to do anything else. I don’t recall my answer, but I probably said something lame like hanging out with friends before I turned the conversation around and asked what they liked to do. I was only half listening to their response initially because I felt a deep sense of shame that I couldn’t answer that simple question with a substantial meaningful answer which triggered the contemplation of my whole way of living. Sure there are things that I like to do, but I didn’t do them regularly enough, even if I happened to have free time, to consider them as my hobbies. I thought about my weekends and how I would wake up by 7am to cook and eat breakfast so I could be out the door to get to the first errand location when they first opened their doors. I’d usually run errands until the afternoon, going grocery shopping at Costco/Safeway/Asian Markets, home goods or toiletry shopping at Target/Walmart, fill up on gas, sometimes get a car wash or stop by Michael’s to pick up craft supplies, pickup/drop-off dry cleaning, go to the post office and bank, or a multitude of other random errands. Upon returning home after unloading everything, I’d try to take a 1-2 hour nap. By the time I woke up it was time to cook and eat dinner and then I’d usually watch tv, maybe talk on the phone, or once in a blue moon, do a little scrap-booking before I turned in for the night, unless I met up with a friend to go out for the evening. Sundays sometimes were spent going to church, running errands I didn’t finish the day before, occasionally meeting with friends or family, cooking meals and watching tv. I thought how pathetic my life seemed in that short replay of it while my colleague continued to talk, coming to the realization that maybe my lifestyle in California is not all that it’s cracked up to be. I was too busy working, commuting, running errands and only occasionally spending time with family and friends. It was the exact moment I realized how sheltered I was in my bubble in The Bay, not even realizing there was any other way to live and how different life was outside of California.

When I caught that they were talking about hunting, my focus came back and I thought to myself, ‘I’m not in California anymore! I’ve never met anyone who goes hunting before.’ Here was someone telling me what they typically do with their free time, which sounded like they sure had a lot of it compared to me, including activities with family, hobbies, hunting excursions, even throwing in a tidbit about their religion.

I took several more business trips where I met and talked to people across different cities and States. Many would ask me what I liked or loved about living in California. Once I came to the realization it was mostly the weather along with friends and family, I became very intrigued with the idea of moving out of California, curious if and how my life may change with a move, and jumped at the opportunity when work gave me chance to move to the east coast. Stay tuned for my next edition of Across the Miles, My Different Lifestyles.