Across the Miles, My Different Lifestyles: New Jersey Edition

Per my last Across the Miles, My Different Lifestyles edition, the main reason I jumped at the opportunity to move to New Jersey was so that I could experience a different lifestyle than I had my whole life in California.  And while I did experience changes to my lifestyle, some things didn’t as I had hoped.

I lived in Linden, NJ from 2005-2007, only 2 years, which is about 30-40 minutes southwest of Manhattan.  I saw it as a suburb of the Big Apple, very much like when I lived in Fremont, CA which was ~40 mins and a bridge away from San Francisco.  Up through ~2002, I hated NYC. It was LOUD with the constant honking of cars, ear-piercing sirens from emergency vehicles and the deafening roar of hundreds of people within a few block radius hurting my ears after a lifetime of quiet living in the suburbs of San Francisco.  The crowded streets made me literally cringe when people constantly bumped, shoved and pushed me. Growing up in CA, getting from point A to B involved a car and parking outside of the destination, NOT squeezing into an overfilled train in the subway, trying to hold my breath as I’m pressed up against a person who clearly hadn’t showered recently and is sweating through their shirt because the subway car’s AC is broken.   Then having to fight masses of people overtaking the sidewalks, walking for several blocks, being carried by the waves of people regardless if I wanted to go a certain way or speed or not. And enduring the nostril burning scents of overpowering urine, days old trash strewn on the streets, different perfumes and colognes – sometimes seemingly bathed in, scents of street food mingling together, such as burned nuts and coffee blending with the hot dogs sold at the carts next to them, and even feces as I walked through certain neighborhoods.  The tone people spoke to each other with was abrupt bordering on harsh.  Everything simply was overstimulating.

That all changed after a few trips out to The Big Apple and moving to the East Coast.  Regularly taking the train across the street from my NJ condo to NYC for both work and pleasure during the weekends, at some point, the din of the city transformed, subsequently translating into the energy of the city, which fed into and somehow raised my own.  I began to enjoy people watching on my train and subway rides, never knowing what I’d come across, while appreciating that I didn’t have to deal with driving in traffic any longer.  My ears no longer ached and I began to appreciate the constant chatter of hundreds of people I would be walking by, often times amused by unintentionally overhearing a conversation.  And I actually appreciated the blunt honesty of people, such as the one time when I worked with a gentleman who announced that while he didn’t like me very much, that he would work with me because he had to and did so with complete professionalism minus false banter to distract our goals.  It was refreshing to hear how someone really felt about me, unlike people in California who would act nice and sweet to my face only to have a friend or colleague tell me they were talking negatively about me 10 minutes prior.  I proudly changed my lazy Cali walking ways, pushing forward with a NYer’s speed and notable determination to get to my destination without being deterred by others in my way. I became agile at dodging, especially those tourists who would unexpectedly stop mid-step to point their lens upward to capture something or other, their bags/luggage, dogs on leashes, really anything that came into my path.  So much so I actually left a group of friends visiting me from Cali an entire blocks length away before I turned around to realize they couldn’t keep up with my pace! Then happily coming to the realization that by doing all this speed walking around the city, I could stop at any of the never-ending food carts street after street, without fear of gaining weight. I used to turn my nose up at food carts, only to discover what delicacies could be found, that smell of burned nuts calling out as the perfect sweet ending to my mouth-watering Halal Guys chicken over rice slathered with white and red hot sauce meal.

Shortly before moving to NJ, I was promoted to Account Manager which resulted in 80 hour work weeks trying to meet my new quotas. The new role required business travel of ~200+ days a year.  That being said, I didn’t truly experience the east coast lifestyle because I wasn’t even there half the year and when I was, I was so busy working.  When I wasn’t working, I usually felt too tired to go out, let alone make time to meet new people, so felt lonely, missing my network in California.  I did take a few weekend trips, such as heading to Atlantic City and Washington, D.C., which amazed me how quickly one could drive or take a train from one state to another to another, unlike CA where I could drive 10 hours and still be in the same State!  I was in awe with how much history this side of the country had, developing appreciation for older buildings as much as I did for clean simple modern ones typical of California.  Outside of eating and usually running errands around my area, when I did have the energy and time to explore, I would head out to Manhattan, rather than hang out in NJ, to explore and immerse myself in the experience of living in the east coast. 

But there were some days I barely had to leave my condo to experience east coast living.  Once heading down the elevator in my condo on my way to catch the train to work, a neighbor gently told me to go back as I would probably want to grab a jacket.  The day before was 70 degrees and since I didn’t check the weather, I didn’t realize it dropped to 40. Being spoiled by California’s consistent weather, I grew to dislike the unpredictability of east coast weather, having to actually check the news and plan my outfits accordingly. I struggled with the cold, even though the two winters I experienced were moderate from what I was told, having to build a wardrobe of winter gear for the first time in my life.  But that was not the only change my closet experienced.  NYers fashion standard clearly was black and it did not take me long to embrace that, feeling sophisticated and more slender looking, in my attire walking among the black sea on the streets of NY.  And even though I love hot weather, summer brought humidity which I was unaccustomed to. 

As much as I enjoyed walking and taking public transportation, not having to deal with driving in traffic, I struggled often with the inconvenience of not having a car when I wanted to go grocery shopping, run a quick errand or buying something that wasn’t easily carried.  I didn’t bring my car since insurance would have cost double what I was paying in CA since apparently NJ is one of the top states that has insurance fraud. Taking public transportation and having to walk with a lot of bags is simply a pain and it was moments like that when I actually found myself missing California.

Because I was burned out from work, frustrated that I felt lonely without the time or energy to make new friends, and missing California weather, I immediately said yes when I was offered a new position with Cisco back at San Jose headquarters and moved myself back to California – San Francisco to be exact.