A Walk and Talk with my Late Brother

I was in a store that was part of an outdoor shopping mall when my brother arrived. “What took you so long?!” I expressed with frustration as he walked through the entrance of the store to meet me by a shelf filled with crystals and trinkets. “It’s been a year and a half!” I exclaimed as we walked out the door and along the pathway of the building. The dark wood siding contrasted beautifully with the planted green bushes along the pathway as the sun shone high above us. I confused myself with that last remark, unsure if I was referring to a year and a half since he died or the last time I saw him. Before I could even clarify my statement in my head, he replied about an accident. I’m not sure if he said “THERE was an accident” or “IT was an accident”. And since my thoughts were still hung up on whether my remark was about his death or our last meeting, my mind questioned if his death an accident. Was he not supposed to die when he did and should he still be alive?  That couldn’t be…

I looked to his face trying to discern the answer as I saw him hesitate with uncertainty, unsure if he could say more.  Quickly scanning his face, I realized with familiarity of his expression, he was combing through his thoughts to find the words he could say without crossing the line of speaking what he was restricted from revealing from the other realm. He repeated himself and once again in my conscious state, I am frustrated that I can’t remember with certainty if he said, ‘THERE’ or ‘IT’ was a mistake.

Suddenly as we walked, I became alarmingly aware that he was simply there, in the flesh so to speak. I admired my handsome brother next to me, looking him up and down, staring at him actually, feeling so grateful to finally have this moment with him because it had been so very long. I became overcome with love, that feeling bursting through, causing me to verbally explode with words to him expressing how much I loved and missed him. He started to interrupt me, that it was unnecessary for me to say what I was saying because he already knew.  But I cut him off pleading that he needed to allow me to express myself, releasing the feelings I’ve been holding inside, not verbalized for so very long, and also simply due to the desire to be heard by him once again after so long. He patiently allowed me to express my love, seeing my passion materialize from the corners of my eyes. As my tears formed from the pure love I felt at the very core of my soul, I awoke from the dream, real tears spilling on my pillow feeling frustrated that maybe he was trying to give me some message, but because my emotions overcame me, I woke, ending my walk and talk with him prematurely before I could allow him to tell me that message.